it has been a little over a year since russ came to live permanently with me. it has been over 18 months since my mom died. as i stated in an earlier post russ initially lived with my sister. last summer my sister needed a break so we tried splitting the time up so that we could share the responsibilities more. it was clear that that was not a wise option for russ so right after labor day russ moved in with me.
there have been SO many changes in that year. a year ago russ was able to take daily walks of at least a mile, still feed himself, still dress himself, still toilet himself with NO incidences of incontinence, still shower himself. he was able to help contribute with minimal household chores; setting the table, loading the dishwasher, vacuuming. we were able to have some decent and productive conversations, some days pretty coherent as well. during this time i would talk to him a lot about his past and youth trying to learn as much about that part of his life as i could and as he could remember.
when i think back to a year ago i still can't believe all the changes. if anyone would have told me that he would have declined this fast in 1 year i would not have believed it. he is now someone who cannot feed, dress, toilet, or bathe himself. he also can speak very few words and take very few steps on good days.
although there are many negatives i have to look at the positives that have come from from this downward spiral as well. russ now sleeps through the night. he used to be up a minimum of 3-4x/night wandering the hallway so at least my sleep is a little better most nights. the repetitive questioning has stopped. i am no longer asked at least 10x/day where his car is, even though he hasn't driven in well over 3 years. and i no longer have a shadow. i am able to walk across the room, into another without feeling russ' breath on my face. and probably best of all, i can go to the bathroom without having someone join me.
would i trade today for a year ago? that is a tough one to answer. if i could keep him where he was with no decline i probably would. but i know too well what happens next, and that is not a good thing.
3 comments:
I sooooo relate to this post. I can't believe the change in a year either. I feel guilty about saying that it is easier now but it is.
Well I had better fasten my Seat-Belt, because it sounds like I am in for a ride!
After having Eva join our World, on December 20th 2007. Mom has been much better. I can only imagine having all her blood sugar completely out of wack, was affecting her....mind?
But Eva is sure to assure us that her memory problem (which is what everyone calls it, and frankly makes me a little nuts!) will not get better?
I also know she has patients in much worse condition than my Mom, and probably thinks I am selfish, or shallow, because I want my Mom to be clean, and dressed appropriately, and eating better, etc.
I want the 'best' for her, under these circumstances, and during any *stage* and she can afford....Better?
I don't think there is anything wrong with that? I do feel like I am alone in this deire, since both of my Sisters think "As long as she is happy?" But what about her dignity?
She goes to social functions in dirty clothes, & pajamas? And this just...breaks my heart? They are living now on canned soup, and peanut butter & crackers?
I guess I should toughen up though, if this is what I am facing?
Nite My Friends! N.Mc. ;-)
Nancy that is such a good post. Makes me think also of last year.
I think I would not go back even if I could. I do miss the good times but now I know the bad times and I don't want to do those again. I'm glad I do not know exactly the future. Knowing is too hard.
Some things are easier now. Some things are harder for me. I think that's the way it is going to be.
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