one of my AD caregiver friends, lori, has had a rough night and day with helen. helen is now in the inpatient unit of hospice for evaluation and stabilization. i have thought and prayed a lot for both of them today and it got me to thinking further. there are several of us who follow each other's blogs on a daily basis. 3 of us currently have hospice for our loved one's and another may be under hospice in the near future. i wonder who of us will be the first to lose their LO to this disease? will something unexpected or unrelated to the AD happen to take their life? or will they just progress rapidly and that will be their ending? how will i feel? i know that i will feel a loss as i feel i almost know them personally through their caregivers blogging. i've also come to rely on their posts and comments on a daily basis. we share some of our deepest feelings on our blog and do so knowing we will not be judged but shown support and empathy for our feelings. but if it is one of them will i also feel a twinge of envy? will i wish that it was russ that had ended his suffering instead of one of the others? i pray that God will give me the strength to handle whatever He sees fit.
7 comments:
I understand exactly what you mean, Nancy. I have also come to rely heavily on you all. The AD board can at times be harsh and is judged by a few, so it is here where I feel I can completely air my feelings. No judgments from any of you - just love, understanding and support. Something we all need.
I have also wondered who will travel this journey all the way to the bitter end and who will succumb to something else. And I do wonder how I will feel.
All I know is that I pray constantly for peace and strength for all of us.
I understand that, too. I like the blogs very much. I check several blogs. I kind of enjoy reading the forum. It gives me something to do when I am sitting so much.
I don't like to post much though because invariably people want to give advice. Often I don't want advice. I just am writing to release emotion.
It is nice though having someone read and comment. I hadn't expected that when I started. I didn't think anyone would read it and didn't think anyone would comment.
Our little group seems to be going through similar ups and downs, too.
I've learned to pray the prayer that never fails: 'Thy will be done'. I pray that our loved ones will not suffer and that we all will have the strength to bear whatever the future holds for us and for them.
Yes, we have kind of become a family within a family. I think Helen will last a long time. Other than this blood clot thing her problems are mostly her bones.
I know I will grieve when one of us loses their loved one and I know I will also be envious. I pray all the time that Helen will not have to ride this terrible disease out to the end.
Lori, that is so well put; I too pray all the time that my Mom and everyone's loved ones will not have to ride this disease out to the end. I know for a fact, because we discussed this in the past that Mom would not want that.
:( If I was not crying when I read Lori's post, well I am now... I feel so lost here and not having time to talk to you all only makes it worse. I don't want to think about who with loose there LO first, but I do as well. I already miss Nonna like she is gone...
Hugs to you all. I would also wonder if you will miss each other, and miss blogging, once you are no longer an AD caregiver. Although I know from other online support groups, regardless of how long it's been, and what else has changed in your lives, you are all bonded together from this, and will likely be in touch for a long long time.
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