Saturday, August 18, 2007

pictures don't lie


i have found that even though i realize that russ is slipping and far from the father i knew and loved, a part of me still thinks of him as i wish to remember him. when unk & dunk were here last month unk took lots of pictures. earlier this week i received a DVD of his summer trip, including his time at our house, helping to care for russ.

as i watched the DVD, i was floored and shocked. my initial thought was “oh come on unk, you could have put a better picture in than that!” then i thought about it some more. there were only about 3 pictures total of russ in the DVD. i know unk took LOTS more than that of russ, so he couldn’t have picked out better ones? it suddenly hit me that those WERE the best ones! russ can no longer stand erect but worse yet was his expression. russ definitely now has that look of AD, the blank stare, a vacant look for an expression on his face, and an attempt at a forced half smile.

wasn’t it just a few weeks ago i was telling people up north that if they saw russ, he still looks great; he would appear different in that he is mostly confined to a wheelchair but he still looks normal otherwise.... who the he// was i fooling? it’s amazing how our brains let us believe what we want to believe. perception is truly in the eye of the beholder.

i talked to unk earlier today and he confirmed my suspicions. he indeed did pick the best he could of russ and he had a hard time at that. well, i would just like to remember my dad the way i think he should look, not as he does.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

It is so true. I remember my dad several ways. Sometimes in my mind he is handsome young pilot in his uniform. Or he is in his khakis and sitting ramrod straight on his horse. Or he's the silver haired businessman that was my boss and mentor all those years.

Course I think of myself differently, too. I'm always surprised when I see myself in a photo.

Lori1955 said...

When the social worker came the other day she told me how good Helen looks for her age. The truth is I don't take pictures of Helen. I tried to but she has forgotten how to smile and I don't want that blank look immoratalized in a photo.

Unknown said...

I feel that way, too, Lori.

~Betsy said...

Every photo we have of mom from the year 1999 shows the disease. I can see it in her eyes. It's hard for me to look at them, too.

SKYGIRL said...

Fortunately, or Unfortunately my Mother is still very Photogenic? She doesn't take a bad picture, but that is precisely why anyone must spend some actually 'time' with her, to 'see' she is in deep trouble!

Nancy; I am sorry to hear that Russ is not doing well. In fact I just sent him a Glo-Card (made it out anyway) and wonder if he will A) Like it, but B) The address looks kind of odd to me, could you E-Mail me, privately, & let me know if it is accurate?

Thanks; Nancy! He will have a hard time forgeting 'my' name, anyway!

bigskygirl2001@gmail.com

N.Mc.