my days so far

i have been gone for 4 days now, 3 full days up at my parent’s lake home in door county. even though it has been hot and beastly humid it has been so wonderful to be up here, yet different. my days so far have been very quiet and relaxing. my routine has been simple. i get up and have some coffee on the deck looking out over lake michigan. it is so quiet and calm in the morning. i usually then walk the beach. sometime during the day i make my trip to the cemetery to see and talk to my mom. it is emotional yet comforting. i am finally beginning to relax and feel at peace. i went out for breakfast one morning by myself, something russ really enjoyed doing. yesterday i went to lunch with some of my mom’s friends, something my mom and i always enjoyed doing together. bob and the boys are in a golf tournament during the day so it leaves me to myself and my thoughts which i am totally enjoying. the late afternoons and evenings are spent with bob and the boys; talking, laughing and just enjoying each other. bob and i feel so blessed that they still enjoy coming up here and spending time with their parents.

i am especially remembering the summer of 1980 when i changed jobs and moved from illinois to wisconsin. i had contemplated going back to grad school but decided against it so i just took the summer off in between jobs. i ended up living up here with my mom for the summer. russ was still working so he would come up on weekends. what a great summer that was for just my mom and i. we did so many things together, taking long walks on the beach, shopping, playing golf in the mornings and then going out to lunch afterwards, sharing the dinnertime cooking and trying new recipes. i think we really got to know each other that summer, not only as mother/daughter but as two women, and shared so much.

i have also called and spoken to the in-patient hospice unit as well as talked to my sister. russ is faring ok, but sleeping a lot. the nurses are great, maybe do things differently than i do but i know that i can’t control how he is cared for 24/7 if i’m not there. i do feel he is safe, so that is what is most important. he will not be there forever, i will come home and we will return to our routine, whatever that may now be.

for now i look forward to my remaining 3 days up here, doing much the same as i have done; relaxing, reflecting and recharging my battery. i am not sure when i will be able to get back up here so i want to soak up as much of this wonderful bit of heaven as i can.