today is a bittersweet day. my mom would have been 81, she died 19 months ago at 79. i miss her terribly and wonder if the grieving process will be worse now that russ is gone, because i have more time to dwell on it and think about it.
yet i know she lived a wonderful and full life. she was the best mom. always giving of herself, always smiling. i hardly ever heard her speak an ill word about others. but most of all, she did not have to experience the downward spiral that russ took. she would have wanted to care for him at home til the end yet i'm not sure she could have physically done it. she was only 5'2" and russ was 5'11". when she passed russ was maybe only early stage 5 and it was tearing her up to see him that way. she was spared of not having to witness the love of her life not remembering her. i believe as betsy does that it was the 24/7 caregiving that really took her life yet i also thank God that He did.
last year was hard for me on her birthday, it was the first without her, and russ no longer remembered who she was so i did not speak to him of her on her birthday. that was really hard for me. it almost felt like i was ignoring her or denying her existence. this year i have mixed feelings. i still miss her very much but am picturing that she and russ have much to celebrate together this year. they loved to go out to eat, so i imagine they have already gone out for breakfast and are deciding what they will do for dinner. today i will be able to and plan to celebrate your life.
happy birthday gene. i love you!
10 comments:
I hope Gene and Russ have a lovely birthday dinner tonight. Maybe even an evening of dancing and then a quiet walk together along the lake shore.
I am also glad The Lord spared your mom the end stages of AD with Russ. I guess I am glad of that for my dad, too, but I still struggle to get past the whole thing.
Please do something special today, Nancy. It is a fitting honor to Gene's birthday! {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Well I'm glad that Russ made it Home in time for Gene's birthday. They are together again as it should be.
As for you sweetie, you will probably grieve for both of them now. You never really had the time to do that until now. Let yourself feel whatever comes.
This grieving stuff stinks but we all have to go through it eventually.
Your Mom had to have been a lovely person, just look at her daughter, you! Thanks for sharing memories of her with us. It's so hard to lose our parents. I still miss my dad so much. Hugs to you.
i cried while reading this. but they weren't all sad tears.
Oh Double-OUCH! Two anniversaries coming so close together.
I am always grateful (so far) not to lose anyone on Christmas, or Thanksgivng, because I can't imagine it would ever be the same again?
I am glad you will celebrate your dear Mother's Life today, Nancy.
It is so hard to brush things under the rug, to spare our Loved Ones more pain. But a very 'selfless' thing to do.
You just feel your losses, Nanc, and know we are here for you.
My 'new' Church is praying for you & Lori, and Terry, tonight! I hope it helps.
What a beautiful post. Tonight when you glance up at the stars I'm sure you'll see two side by side twinkling bright and watch Gene and Russ dance across the sky. ((HUGS))
You know, in spite of all this hurt and sadness we are all going through, the thing that is so profound is the love that comes pouring out, time and time again in these posts. It is a legacy our LO's left for us to carry on and see us through and share with others. They will always be with us.
Nancy, very beautiful pictures of your mom. My mom was petite too. 4'11 and 85 lbs in the end but she was always thin. She used to say all great things come in small packages:) To that, I would reply, "yeah, you and dynomite!"
I pray your mom and dad are dancing in each other arms today and forever. I know you are missing them terribly. I know they are watching over you and smiling as they twirl through the heavens.
Gene is just lovely and seems so happy and cheerful. She seems to kind of fit Russ.
It would have killed my mom to have seen my dad the way he became. But strangely enough I think her illness and dad's caring for her helped delay the progress of his dementia.
When I think about it like that there really is much for which I am very grateful.
My mom's birthday is the 12th. There's 8 of us now buried out there at the cemetery. On her birthday I'll go out and visit them.
Thanks for sharing Gene.
Happy birthday good friend. I know we would have been because we share a good friend. I will think of you. I will think of your daughter. She is a great person. Thanks for her.
Goodness Nancy. I didn't realize our time lines were so similar. Mother died 2 years before Daddy. We suspected then that Daddy had Alz. but he could still function fairly well. But, already she was grieving the loss of her partner mentally. They were passionately in love for 57 years and I too think that Mother's inability to get strong enough for treatment was directly related to her fear of what was ahead of her.
Mother would have turned 80 last June, also the first b'day since Daddy's death. I dreaded it and it was hard but I invited some of my closest friends to tea at the Ritz to celebrate Mother. It helped a lot to be with others who knew and loved her too.
Precious memories. Precious parents. Not so precious grief.
Peace my friend, peace.
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