grief

grief is so different and individualized. i remember after graduating from nursing school i was fortunate enough to hear Elizabeth Kubler-Ross speak twice. it was shortly after she had done all her research on death and dying and had identified the 5 stages a person may go through when facing death. denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. she was fascinating to listen to and was so pertinent to my oncology nursing practice.

i have thought many times since russ died how the ones left behind also go through stages of grief. depending upon the circumstances of the death, sudden, drawn out, suicide, etc. there are many emotions that are apparent as well. for me i think i am finally dealing with my mom's death along with russ'.

i had mentioned over the summer that i am in a book club. last night was my big night, i was presenting research material and leading the discussion on the book i had picked. i have always loved to read yet since russ has died i have no real desire and when i attempt to read i can't focus and have no comprehension of what i've read. even something as simple as reading the morning newspaper has become an effort. needless to say it was an real struggle to finish the book and an effort to prepare for last night.

fortunately every one in the group was understanding and they are very opinionated and so the discussion pretty much led itself with me offering a few tidbits every so often.

i know in my heart this is my grief expressing itself. i will be patient and not push things. i am sure my desire and love for reading will come back to me in time. AND thanks terry for your insight into last night's discussion. we read john's grishom's "an innocent man" which took place in OK, not far from moore so i tapped into terry for his wealth of knowledge and insight.