2 weeks ago

(taken last fall on one of russ' and mine many drives to enjoy the fall color)


it has only been 2 weeks since russ died. a part of me seems like it was yesterday yet another feels like it was much longer. i am doing ok. this is a hard time for me, not just with remembering everything but because there are many october birthdays in my family that bring back a flood of memories. i hope in time they will only bring smiles.

as i reflect on 2 weeks ago i am still so thankful that janine took control and offered to send in the continuous care nurses. russ' last 23 hours were difficult to watch. with his increase in pulse and respirations i am not sure how long i could have held it together by myself for russ, my sister, and myself and constantly watch the clock to record times to give the meds, how russ was responding and still be there comforting russ.

by having janine, lynne, rita, lois and pat there i was able to be a daughter as i wanted to be. they were behind the scenes, doing the nursing part and i was able to just sit there and hold russ' hand and do the daughter part.

janine and lynne (from the inpatient unit and only lives 10 minutes from me) both helped to cover until the first "official" nurse arrived at midnight. i had met rita at the in-patient unit where she usually works nights if there is not a need for continuous care. she has been doing this about 8 years i think. it was a comfort to see a familiar face. she would talk with me if i felt like talking or otherwise she just sat there and monitored and handled the situation. she said she never had seen someone who didn't respond to all the meds russ had been given throughout the night. she called him an anomaly. i always knew russ was one of a kind.

the next nurse to come was lois. i had heard glowing reports from janine, rita and especially lynne. lynne said lois trained her for continuous care and was the best. she didn't disappoint me. she has been with vitas continuous care about 4 years i think. she was so calming and quiet in doing what needed to be done. during the time she was there (8am-4pm) she bathed russ twice (he had a temp of 104), changed his bed and was just so tender with him, that's how i would best describe it. she encouraged sue and i to go upstairs to the kitchen for awhile to eat. i know it was her way of seeing if russ wanted to die without us present but i thank her for her kindness in the way she handled it. the thing that impressed me most about lois was how she was able to single-handedly turn and reposition russ by herself. remember that russ was not a small man and lois is not a large woman, yet she was able to scoop him up gingerly and turn him. she looked like she was gently picking up and turning a sleeping infant, being oh so careful not to wake him. lois made sure russ was positioned just right, that he was as comfortable as was humanly possible. i was sad to see lois go. i think russ was too.

pat arrived next and within the hour of lois leaving, russ was gone. pat pronounced him dead, made the necessary phone calls and the funeral home came and left within about 90 minutes of that time.

hospice was truly a wonderful experience and support system for russ and especially me. i will forever be indebted to all of them for all their loving care that they gave to us both. as it has been said before, they are truly God's angels. thank you all.