this morning bob and i took russ to meet his long time and best friends from college. the 2 couples got married within a week of each other and have remained close for 58+ years. over the years the 2 couples would travel to each others houses for food and good times, take trips together and celebrate their anniversaries together. we children even threw them a surprise 50th anniversary party together. pete and janet travel every summer to wisconsin and rent a place down the beach from my parents house for 5 weeks. pete and janet first discovered door county and our families have spent part of their summers up there for well over 45 years together. their children, especially tina, was like a cousin to me growing up. last summer was tough, as it was the first summer since my mom had died, but i was still able to take my dad back to "his home" to have him spend time with them.
this year will be different. russ will not be able to get up there, to spend time with pete and janet. such a change and difference in russ in the past year. last year russ and i were able to take daily beach walks of a mile or longer, join pete and janet for cocktail hours and comment on the beauty of door county. i could see the sadness in their faces as they tried to talk to him, and as i tried to explain to russ who they were. even more so as they watched bob and i get him in and out of the car into his transport chair, me ordering russ' breakfast, cutting up his food and feeding him his first few bites.
pete did a great job trying to reminisce with russ about people he might remember from college. russ shook his head yes, that he remembered, but did he really? i wonder but i don't think so.
this is such a cruel disease that robs one of precious memories and people. how i would give anything to have russ back, but i know that will never happen. i especially miss my mom today too.
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6 comments:
I can certainly feel your pain in this post, Nancy. Im a firm believer that even though our ADLOs may not show it outwardly, they can feel the happiness around them. They have a sense of belonging when we take that extra effort and visit with old friends. Youre a wonderful daughter.
Gentle hugs for you and Russ - and your mom.
betsy,
thank you for your kind words. they mean a lot to me.
Nancy, that is such a wonderful thing to have friends like that. I think it is unusual, too. I agree with Betsy, too. I bet anything that Russ felt the love and care of old friends whether he could recall them or not. And that wanting to belong and be a part is very real. I see that in Dad still. Your post carried sadness but it also carried wonderful beauty and love and happiness. Blessings.
As I read this I thought of the last time Helen was with her friends. I never think much about ordering for her, cutting her food or placing the fork in her hand but I remember the look on our friends faces as I did this. I think they finally got an idea of how bad she was. It was after that I was told that it was just too painfull for them to see her anymore. Sorry for rambling on your blog.
flintysooner,
yes, pete & janet are wonderful friends and they DO keep in touch via e-mail to see how russ is doing. i hope russ could feel their love and caring.
lori,
sorry to hear helen's friends felt that way but we as caregivers know that happens way too often. give helen a hug for me and russ.
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