i had wanted to post earlier but we have had some problems with our computer so..... first of all, this picture is actually mine but it looks almost identical to chris'. i have to agree with lori and snick. this weekend was everything i had hoped it to be.
some people i told i was going away for the weekend to visit with some dear friends whom i had never met gave me a weird look, or were leary, my sister included. fortunately a few, bob, unk and my niece kimi supported me and seemed to understand. i never gave it a second thought. like lori said, we have been through so much with each other over the months, that i already knew you all SO well, the meeting face to face was just a formality.
everyone was just as i had pictured. lori, i've know you the longest and maybe the best as we went through our "week from hell" with flinty and our LO's, helen, russ and flinty's dad. you have that quiet strength and loving heart that i've always admired about you and it was great to be able to finally see it in person.
snick, you have a soft gentleness about you and i swear, you have the prettiest blue eyes i have ever seen.
ann, you have a comforting calmness about you that makes one just pour out their heart to you. thank you.
jackie, i have to admit, i didn't know you near as well but i enjoyed getting to know you and admire you so much for the wonderful and giving heart you have in caring for your mom. it was cute that "she remembered all of us" as well!
i surprised myself that i didn't get too emotional all weekend. even with some reminiscing about our journeys and struggles i did very well. it wasn't until i was getting ready to leave that the tears started to flow. i know it was because i just didn't want to leave.
i can't thank you all enough for the effort that was made by all of you to come. lori and ann for traveling great distances, snick for making 2 trips on sat and sun to join us and jackie for arranging to leave your mom for the weekend and then opening up your home to us. i will treasure this time we spent together forever and hope that we can do it again and have others join us. (we talked about you betsy and still can't figure out why you didn't change the wedding to chicago so we could come!)
i am finding with my new job that i am so exhausted when i get home. i don't have much energy. all i want to do is just veg out on the couch. i remember the last few months of russ' life, it seemed that all i did was sit on the couch next to him and frequently wish i could get up and do something else. now i long to get home and do nothing else!
after russ died, i took about 6 months off before getting back into the work force. and even for his last year of life i had cut down tremendously, only working part-time, maybe 2-3 days a week. i really needed that time off to grieve and regroup and am glad that i did so. however, getting back into the work mode, much less a new full time job in a brand new arena has been challenging. the first week and a half was necessary yet somewhat boring. going over standards and universal health care codes and policies; these were things that i had given to our employees over the years.
the last week and a half has been much better. i started shadowing different nurses who travel to the different hospitals. there we review charts and talk to the members(patients) about discharge needs and answer any questions they have. it has been extremely more stimulating and interesting. i have found myself reaching deep down into my old knowledge base, thinking, "oh yeah, i remember studying that or having taken care of someone with that so many years ago." i am also having to learn where in each hospital i need to go sign in, where charts are kept, and who are my resource people. so much information and such a little brain!!!! i'm walking about 3 miles a day which is great, that isn't what is wearing me out, it's the information overload. i have this upcoming week to follow my last 2 people and then hopefully i will find out which hospital(s) i will primarily be responsible for and be on my own. their thought is to get me familiar with all the milwaukee hospitals so if someone is sick or on vacation i can cover.
everyone i have worked with seems very nice and willing to help and answer my questions. they have made me feel very welcome which i appreciate. i am still optimistic that once i really feel comfortable doing this, it will be for me the flexibility that i desire. i hope this explains why i have been absent for awhile and hope to soon have more to post about. i still think of all of you often and hope you have a good week!
this is a collection of some of my thoughts as i travel through life. some may be moving forward, as in reading a book, or, i may periodically reflect and turn back the pages in my life on some previous memories.